Expectations

     One of the first things I had to do was give up on the expectations I had of my husband.  I realize now that I expected him to be my everything, including my savior.  There is only one savior, and that is Jesus.  I had to make Jesus my everything.  Because I wasn't sure how I would do that, I remember thinking that life would be so much easier if my husband would just do what I wanted him to do, when I wanted him to do it, the way I wanted it done, in the same amount of time that I could do it.  Is that too much to ask?  Oh, and if I did have to ask him to do it, I asked in a tone that implied, "You idiot; can't you see what needs to be done and just do it?"
        
      But since that "technique" wasn't working for me, I decided to go to God's Word for help.  Instead of getting up to watch the early morning news with a cup of coffee, I would pray. After dusting off the beautiful Bible I always had displayed on a shelf, I actually opened it.  A quote of St. Jerome comes to mind, that to be ignorant of scripture is to be ignorant of Jesus Christ.  I expected a relationship with Jesus just to happen because He loves me; much like I expected with my husband.  But I was learning that all relationships, including one with Jesus, requires effort, not expectations.   "Were not our hearts burning (within us) while he spoke to us on the way and opened the scriptures to us?" (Luke 24:32)

    My daily prayer time with Jesus was leading me to see within my own heart.  I started to see a wife who could possibly be hard to love and appreciate.  A transformation was ever so slowly taking place and it did hurt, especially my pride. But habits die hard.  In fact, I'm still a recovering control freak who falls off the wagon every so often.  Receiving the sacrament of Penance and repeating Psalm 51:12, "A clean heart create for me, O God, and a steadfast spirit renew within me." helps me to let God be God. 

     Giving up expectations of my husband, which meant giving up trying to control him, was very difficult. But compared to gaining control of my tongue, it was a piece of cake!