Chastisements

          One of the reasons I think my generation does not really know Jesus is because we were given a fluffy, feel-good character to call upon whenever we wanted something.  There was a lot of, "Jesus loves you.  He died for you.  He wants you to be happy."  So, we went to church for the fluff of feeling good about ourselves and hoping to get whatever we wanted in return.  My parents' generation, in my opinion, went to church because of the fear of Hell that was instilled in them if they didn't go.  There must be a holy in-between that the Holy Spirit is guiding us to so that we can know, love and serve the real Jesus.

          Jesus calls us friends.  If we ask a friend to tell us the truth regarding something about ourself, he or she will usually tell us the truth as they see it.  A lot of times, however, friends will tell us what it is we want to hear because they don't want to hurt our feelings.  Things like, "It's not your fault. Your husband is a jerk."   The only true friend we have who sees the real truth about us, is Jesus.  He is God and He is privy to everything about us and life.

          The truth of who we are is revealed in our relationship with our spouse.  Whenever my husband would drive me crazy, I'd always look to Jesus for consolation.  What I always got first, and still do, is chastisement!   To give you an example, recently during dinner, my husband was going on and on about politics, as he often does these days.  In my mind, I was calling upon God to make it stop.  Immediately, my thoughts changed to the truth that only God could see.  He made men to be the protector of families and Bob is responding to the impending dangers of family life in our current political arena.  I knew that thought had to come from God because whenever I think bad about someone, especially my husband, He always chastises ME.  I think that it can't always be ME, but it is!!

          If we look to Jesus as our very best friend to tell us the truth, He will.  It will never be about the other person, but will always be about ourself.  That's how much He loves us.  He desires for us to become His image, because that is how we were created to be.  God is all good, all loving, all merciful.  I have a very long way to go, but I know that once I become all kind, loving, and merciful to my spouse, the truth about me will be revealed; that I was made in the image and likeness of God!  If I can be Jesus to my spouse, who is the one that I am with the most and criticize the most, I can be Jesus out in the world for sure.

         Spending time with Jesus in church and in His Word, keeps our friendship close and beautiful.  I love being at church and in prayer.  Looking to Jesus as our very best friend to help us become the best we can be will result in husbands and wives becoming very best friends too.  Happy Chastisements!!  Amen!!!

"I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing.  I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father." (John 15:15)

 "Happy is the man whom God reproves!  The Almighty's chastening do not reject."  (Job 5:17)
 

"Those whom I love, I reprove and chasten; so be zealous and repent.  Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me.  He who conquers, I will grant him to sit with me on my throne, as I myself conquered and sat down with my Father on his throne.  He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches."  (Revelation 3:19-22) 

 

         

Attractiveness

         I haven't felt inspired of late to write.  However, today the Holy Spirit has reminded me of several other lessons I've learned about family life.  Today I'll disclose how my eyes were opened to my unattractiveness.  Attractive people, attract others to them.  That's why the most popular kids in school were usually the best looking.  I've always worked hard at trying to look good, both inside and out.  I would always receive compliments from friends and those I associated with, especially at my workplace. Then came a comment from our son that made me stop and take a look at how my family saw me, and how shallow the most popular kids were.

          The four years that our children were in high school, I worked in the counseling office of their school.  How's that for being controlling?!  And one day, our son came home from school and said something to the effect, "Everyone at school thinks you are so nice and cute, Mom, but they don't really know you."  OUCH!   I think I just laughed because I guess I figured that our teenagers usually don't think that their parents are nice or cute.  But later, his comment  revisited my mind and heart and I didn't feel very attractive.

          My children saw how kind I was to everyone at work, always helping, welcoming, caring, smiling.  It must have been confusing for them to then see me at home, tired and not jumping up instantly to help with something, or to welcome my spouse home with an attractive smile, complaining about this and that, etc.  I realized that I had always worked hard at trying to look good, both inside and out, to those I encountered outside of my home.

          Jesus attracted and still attracts countless people to Him because of His loving and merciful way.  I used to feel attractive when I had my nails done!  This lesson taught me that it doesn't matter how beautiful your hands and feet look after a manicure/pedicure, or if dressed in a gorgeous outfit and touting a new hairdo. If we take a look at how unhospitable we parents can be to one another and to our children, it is very unattractive.  People do not swarm around those who are unkind, unloving, unforgiving.  Teens don't normally want to be around their parents.  Spouses a lot of times do not want to be around each other.  Perhaps we should all try harder to be more attractive, like Jesus.

          Instead of spending time and money at a beauty spa, I started spending time praying, going to Mass and Eucharistic Adoration.  I work hard at practicing hospitality on my own family and then extending it to others.  It is by imitating Jesus that we become attractive.  At a weekly parish event at my former parish, we would have a great dinner together as a parish family and then I would lead a prayer service.  All of the children would swarm around me, and I felt the joy of attracting these little ones with holiness.  I would look out into the congregation and see manly men on their knees praying, and women with tears in their eyes, and they were all so beautiful, inside and out.  And even now, when my husband and I pray the rosary in the evenings, I look at my spouse and he is never more attractive to me than when he is praying to God.  Holiness is attractive!  We need to teach our children this valuable lesson.

          Attractiveness begins with being attracted to Jesus.  Let's swarm around His Word and Sacrament and learn hospitality from the one that welcomes everyone into His heart and life forever and ever and ever.  Amen.

"Contribute to the needs of the saints, practice hospitality."  (Romans 12:13)

"Practice hospitality ungrudgingly to one another."  (1 Peter 4:9)
 

"Jesus entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him."  (Luke 10:38) 

             

           

Smell the Flowers

          It has been said that flowers are smiles from God.  I think of that every time I enjoy the beauty and scent of flowers.  With the month of October starting next week, this blog is about the Rosary, as October is proclaimed in the Catholic Church as the month of the Rosary.  The word 'Rosary' means, "Crown of Roses."  Each Hail Mary prayed in the Rosary represents a rose given to Blessed Mother and upon the completion of the Rosary, she has a crown of roses from us.  The rose is the queen of flowers, so the Rosary is the rose of all devotions.

          One thing we did at every family retreat, was pray the Rosary together with each family.  The children were delighted to lead the different mysteries and we would light a candle with each new contemplation on the life of Jesus.  We would encourage every family to pray this powerful prayer every day in their homes as their after-meal prayer.  Catholics are quite good at praying the prayer before meals, but not so good at praying an after-meal prayer.  And it is a very healthy habit to adopt as resting for awhile after we eat, aids in the digestion process.  The rosary only takes 15-20 minutes and it packs a powerful punch to the evil one.  I quote from a recent e-mail I received about the power of praying the rosary:

"Father Gabriel Amorth, Chief Exorcist of the Vatican writes:  One day a colleague of mine heard the devil say during an exorcism:  'Every Hail Mary is like a blow on my head. If Christians knew how powerful the Rosary was, it would by my end.'
The secret that makes this prayer so effective is that the Rosary is both prayer and meditation.  It is addressed to the Father, to the Blessed Virgin, and to the Holy Trinity, and is a meditation centered on Christ."
 

          Blessed Mother appeared to the three children at Fatima and requested that they pray the Rosary every day for the conversion of Russia.  The Rosary is a prayer of peace and love.  It should be prayed for the conversion of sinners with the intent to be filled with love of God and all people.  What could we do as a family that is more beautiful, more needed, and more noble?

          Many people complain that praying the Rosary is boring and they get distracted with all of the repetition.  When I pray the Rosary, I imagine Blessed Mother turning the pages of her scrapbook featuring Jesus' life, and calling to my mind the scriptures that describe each event.  I know people who have related to me that they have smelled roses when they pray the Rosary.  That's not to say that my mind never wanders while I pray the Rosary, because it does.  But I know that God honors every small attempt we make in love to do what is right and just.  To pray for the conversion of all sinners, especially for ourselves and our family members, is definitely the right and just thing to do, whether we do it perfectly or not.

          Praying the Rosary individually is wonderful, but to pray it with our spouse and children is that many times more wonderful.  When friends call me with marital and family problems, I always recommend that they start to pray the Rosary together as it is the prayer of peace.  Every home should be filled with peace, so I believe every family should be praying this prayer, whether there is a crisis or not. I find that people are usually more willing to spend a lot of money and time at counseling sessions rather than take the 15 minutes to pray the Rosary.  Counseling is beneficial and I'm a huge advocate of Christian counseling, but I would incorporate the Rosary first and foremost as the most advantageous thing all families can do.

          With the November election in the United States approaching very fast, I would like to challenge everyone who is reading this blog to pray the Rosary with your family, or alone, for the conversion of the United States of America.  Meditating on the life of Christ can save souls!

          If it has been a long time since you have prayed the Rosary, or if you have never prayed it, there are many websites that provide the details.  Here's one that is a beginner's guide to the Rosary:  http://www.catholicity.com/prayer/rosary.html .  Please know that the Rosary is not solely a Catholic prayer.  It is a Christian prayer that takes us on a journey with the Prince of Peace narrated by the Queen of Heaven and Earth. 

          There's a saying, "Take time to smell the flowers."  It is a great way to appreciate smiles from God.  There's another saying attributed to Fr. Payton, "A family that prays together, stays together."  Taking the time to smell flowers and pray, especially the Rosary, is a great way to smile back at God.  I pray that we all pray the Rosary throughout the month of October and beyond, to give Blessed Mother a Crown of Roses and defeat the evil one who is attacking families and our country.  Amen.

"You have been told, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requires of you; Only to do the right and to love goodness, and to walk humbly with your God."  (Micah 6:8)

"For he has looked upon his handmaid's lowliness; behold, from now on will all ages call me blessed."  (Luke 1:48) 

 

Words of Wisdom

          I have not been motivated lately to post any new blogs.  Perhaps it is because I have already shared a lot of my life lessons on marriage and family life. I really can't remember what lessons I have already written and I don't want to be repetitive.  Or maybe it's because I get tired of repeating the same words of encouragement over and over and over again:  LOVE, LOVE, LOVE.  And yet, I am drawn back to blogging today by today's liturgical reading of the first letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians on, you guessed it, LOVE.

"Love is patient, love is kind.  It is not  jealous, love is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrong-doing but rejoices with the truth.  It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.  So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love."  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8, 13) 

          This is the scripture reading used at most Christian weddings, including mine.  It had the most impact on me when at a seminar we were asked to read the first two sentences of this passage, replacing the words "love" and "it" with our own name:  Linda is patient, Linda is kind.  Linda is not jealous, Linda is not pompous, etc. Try it with your name.

          Prior to St. Paul giving us this beautiful description of love, he writes that we can have great faith and many spiritual gifts, but if we do not love, we gain nothing.  I used to think that I was holier than my husband because I prayed more, knew the faith more, cared about others more, and on and on.  Linda was pompous.  And then I realized that I was not love. 

          St. Therese of Liseaux shares in her autobiography that she always wanted to be a martyr for the faith and she was very sad that she was not going to die a martyr's death.  She looked to this letter of St. Paul to the Corinthians for words of wisdom and was inspired by Chapters 12 and 13 that her calling was to be love. It brought her great joy.

          Jesus commands us to love one another, and yet so many husbands and wives do not love each other and it makes everything so much harder, in an already challenging world.  The solution for all troubled marriages is not divorce, but love.  "Love never fails."   Being love brings great joy! 

 

Music

          Music is magical.  It can lift lowly spirits to soar, or calm a raging soul.  Families that have musical talent have a special gift, in my opinion.  Everyone who has ever heard me sing, knows that I cannot carry a tune and not gifted in that area.  But thank God that the gift of music is available to all families and it can enhance family life.  Like everything though, there is good music and there is bad music. 

          Once I realized that my husband was not going to play the guitar after dinner and we all sing, "Kumbaya," I started to introduce feel-good types of music in our home utilizing our stereo.  Of course then it was albums and cassettes.  It was so surprising to me how many praise and worship albums there were, as I had never purchased one as a teenager or young adult.  Singing about the love of God just took place in church, or so I thought.

          Music that inspires a love that is pure and beautiful, fills a home with peace.  There are a lot of pop culture songs that are fun, lively, filled with good messages, and great to enjoy together as a family.  There are also a lot of pop culture songs that contain lyrics that convey darkness, impurity, and are filled with bad messages.  Whenever my husband and I sing along with some of the "oldies" we listened to in high school, we are amazed at the messages of some of them.  We always sang the words as we thought they were, and they really weren't the correct words at all.  I'm sure many can relate!  It comes as a surprise to no one, I'm sure, that a lot of those songs were not good music.  Good music is kind-hearted.

          Whenever our children would speak kind words to one another, it was music to my ears.  I'm sure it is the same with God whenever we speak kindly to one another.  Now imagine a musical tribute.  My children have never sang a song to honor me, but if they did, my tear ducts would need a dam to stop the water flow.  That's how I picture God whenever we sing or play praise and worship songs to Him.  I so appreciate all the Christian artists who create beautiful songs in praise and worship of our Lord.  As Christian parents, it is our duty to instill in our children an appreciation of this good music and the joy it brings to our Heavenly Father.

          My heart is filled with the love of music today, as I am having our piano tuned and looking forward to taking piano lessons.  Perhaps my vision of Bob playing the guitar, and me at the piano, entertaining our grandchildren with kind-hearted music filled with the love of God, is a miracle waiting to happen.  As long as I don't sing, it will be music to God's ears.  In the meantime, I always have all of my c.d.s to sing along with.

          I have several favorite c.d.s, but right now my favorite that relaxes me and lifts me up closer to God is entitled, Hidden in My Heart, a lullaby journey through Scripture.  I highly recommend this work to be incorporated into your marriage and family life.  Check it out online.  If anyone else has some great recommendations for music that brings peace to their family life, please share with us.

"addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart, always and for everything giving thanks in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ to God the Father."  (Ephesians 5:19-20)

"Sing joyfully to the Lord, all you lands; break into song, sing praise.  Sing praise to the Lord with the harp, with the harp and melodious song.  With trumpets and the sound of the horn sing joyfully before the King, the Lord."  (Psalm 98:4-6)

 

           

Baptism

          A difficult part for me in writing this blog is knowing that it is easier for me to live these lessons because I am no longer in the throes of a young family.  I realize that it is hard to be in a loving state of mind when there is chaos and constant needs to address all around you.  It's hard enough to love everyone when there's peace and quiet and time for much prayer!  But the temptation to get depressed, to feel overwhelmed and all alone is always lurking, no matter what stage of our life's vocation we are in.

          Once I learned about the power of our Baptismal graces, it has forever helped me to fight temptations, at least when I remember to call upon them.  When Blessed Virgin Mary said, Yes to being the Mother of God, she was plunged into a death of life as she knew it and began a new life with Christ.  In our Baptism, we are plunged into the water as a sign of dying to sin, and coming forth from the water into new and resurrected life with Christ.  At the Incarnation, Blessed Virgin Mary was overshadowed by the Holy Spirit and Jesus was conceived in her womb.  At Baptism, we are overshadowed by the Holy Spirit and become one with the Holy Trinity.  As members of the holy family of God, we are adopted children of the Father, sisters and brothers to the only begotten Son of God, and filled with the gifts of the Holy Spirit.

          Whether we were just a baby when our parents decided for us to be baptized, or if baptism took place later in life, it can never be undone, or redone.  There is an indelible mark on our soul and we are branded to return to the Father in Heaven.  We renew our baptismal vows every Easter and profess our faith that we belong to God and we reject Satan and all of his empty promises.  Our supernatural life, the life of grace, which makes us holy, begins at Baptism.  All baptized Christians have the same mission:   die to sin with Christ in order to resurrect to eternal life with Christ.

          Here's a beautiful story of the power of our Baptism graces that is told by Sr. Briege McKenna in her book, The Power of the Sacraments.   

"I recall a beautiful testimony of a mother in Florida whose son had renounced the Church.  He had turned away, and for years she never heard from him.  One day a priest asked this mother, "Is your son baptized?"

She said, "Yes, certainly he's baptized."

"So do you know what I want you to do?"  He told her, "Get the formula of Baptism, the whole baptismal ceremony.  Go through it, and renew the baptismal promises in your son's name.  Renew the promises to renounce Satan and all his evil works.  Do that for your son every time you pray for him.  Claim the power of the Sacrament of his Baptism.  Ask Christ, who sees your son wherever he is in the world, to stir up within him the grace of his Baptism."

Three weeks later, in the middle of the night, this boy phoned his mother.  He sobbed, "Mum, I don't know how to describe what has happened to me."  Then he related that he had met someone in a store who had invited him to a prayer meeting.  In that atmosphere he had rediscovered his faith.  She realized that this had happened at the time that she claimed him into the family of God again."

Too often we abort God's life in us for the things of this world.  This makes it easy to abort children in the womb, or other human beings from our heart because we don't "need" them and their potential problems/demands.  But God never abandons us or leaves us orphaned.  He always upholds His promise He made to us at our Baptism, that He will be our God and Father.  It is up to us to keep our vow to Him, to be His children and heirs to the Kingdom.  Whenever we are tempted to separate from God and His commandments, let's call upon our Baptism graces!  But when we give in to sin, it is never too late while we are in this world to reconcile with God and let His life of grace flow anew within us.

          Today we celebrate the feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary, and it happens to be my Baptism anniversary.  We always celebrated birthdays, of course, in our home, but didn't pay any attention to the day we were reborn into God's life of grace, our Baptismal day.  My husband and I do now, and our oldest son was baptized on the feast day of St. Francis deSales who is the patron saint of writers, and our son is a writer.  It is all very interesting when we are open to the life of grace that begins at Baptism, and it should be celebrated.  I pray that all families make this a tradition in their homes.  Check out the date you and your loved ones were baptized and celebrate it.

          Another very difficult thing for me in writing this blog is keeping it short because there is so much to say about each topic.  But I would be remiss if I did not say more about this feast day.  I renewed my consecration to Our Blessed Mother today.  She is full of grace and has been given to us to be our spiritual mother; to nourish us with Jesus.  She was taken up into Heaven and I believe she will be our mid-wife when our time comes to be born into eternal life, just as she helped Elizabeth birth St. John the Baptist into this life.  And just as St. John the Baptist proclaimed about Jesus, "He must increase, but I must decrease" (John 3:30), no one is more humble and constant in pointing to Jesus and away from herself than Our Blessed Mother.  Everyone should want an intimate relationship with this loving mother full of grace who will help us live our Baptismal vows and be born into Heaven.  Amen.

"Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, 'Brethren, what shall we do?' And Peter said to them, 'Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.  For the promise is to you and to your children and to all that are far off, every one whom the Lord our God calls to him.'  And he testified with many other words and exhorted them, saying, 'Save yourselves from this crooked generation.'  So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls.  And they held steadfastly to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of the bread and to the prayers."  (Acts 2:37-42)

Desire

          Today I am reflecting on another lesson that I share with teens on retreat.  Our parish includes a pre-K through 8th grade school, and as our students were preparing to graduate from the school and enter high school, I conducted a retreat for them.  The purpose of this retreat is threefold:  1. to reflect on their school experience thus far in order to learn from them as they move further along in their education,  2. to discuss the anticipations and apprehensions associated with changing over to high school, and 3. to be grateful for the blessing of their education thus far.

          During the entire course of the retreat over the many years that I have done them, I have never had even one student remark that one thing they are looking forward to in their move to high school is to learn more.  Their responses always included their desire for more sports, band, better food, new people, dances, etc.  It usually leads to my informing the students that the purpose for going to school is to learn, and we are only truly fulfilled, if we have a desire to learn.  Without that purpose, we leave school each day wanting more, when there is no more.

          God showed me that we do the very same thing with family life.  I must confess that I do not desire each day to do laundry, clean, cook, and take care of the multitude of needs in managing a family.  My demeanor can reflect that I must do these things, not that I want to and desire to. It's the same for going off to employment.  Many employees display the attitude that they are there because they need to provide for their family but they don't desire to be there.  There were many times that a family would arrive on a family retreat, and invariably there was one person in the family who was not a happy camper, and not afraid to let us know that they did not want to be there and there was nothing we could do to make him/her enjoy it. 

          The purpose of life is to live.  Our desire each day should be to live well in whatever capacity we find ourselves. God is alive and that is the Good News.  We are alive and that is good news!  It shouldn't matter so much as to what we find ourselves doing as long as we do it with a love for living.  Life has a lot of disappointments because we want so much more out of life than just living well.  Jesus had to come to earth to show us how to live, and if we live Jesus, we will desire to do whatever is life-giving. 

          Cooking, cleaning, taking care of our family, going to work, praying, going on retreat, loving, marital sex without contraception, forgiving, volunteering, giving alms, are all life-giving and what being alive is all about.  The gift of life is so mysterious.  When everything is well, we want more, and yet, when an illness/addiction occurs and we find a loved one fighting for their life, we just desire to live life well.  Let's value life and every person in it, especially in our family, and be grateful for the opportunity to live Jesus in our world.  Living life to its fullest purpose is to desire to live well no matter where we find ourselves. 

"Live, Jesus!"  (Motto and theme of St. Francis deSales' writings and life work.  Also used by the Knights of Columbus and many other organizations.)

"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life;"  (John 14:6) 

  

       

Tears of Love

          My favorite commercials, videos, movies, etc. are those that move me to tears.  I have been told that I have been given by God the gift of tears because I cry very easily.  For years I considered it a curse, but now I accept the notion that my heart cannot contain all the love that God wants to pour into it, and it overflows through my tear-ducts.  Whenever I see the kindness of someone reaching out to help another person, especially if the other person seems weaker than they, I see the beauty of Christ's love and it overwhelms my heart.

          In our ministry to families, I would tell the story of the Hoyt family about a father who competes in marathons and triathalons while pushing his disabled son in a wheelchair.  After reading their story, I would show the video, www.teamhoyt.com.  It brought many of our retreatants to tears, and although I have seen this video countless times, I still cry.   As beautiful as that story is, it does not come close to how beautiful God's love is for us, his disabled adopted children.  The objective of my sharing the Hoyt's story with others is to teach that we are all disabled.  We cannot love like our Father loves.  Our Father loves us so much that He sent us His Son, to be lifted up on the cross, so that we can be free of sin and experience what it feels like to truly love.  Sacrificial love day after day is a tough race, and one that Jesus runs for us.  He takes us along so we will know the thrill of what it is like to love like He loves.  Sacrificing for those who are weak with Jesus will bring tears of love.

          Within family life, when one member has a bad attitude due to hormones, illness, lack of sleep, stress, lack of prayer or whatever, the other family members usually do not cut them any slack.  In fact, we usually respond to them in anger or making fun of them.  Our society teaches that it is survival of the fittest; only the strong survive.  Unless we can see the reason for their weakness, and judge it to be a viable reason, we do not go out of our way to help them or forgive them for their inabilities to be loving, cheerful, sober, motivated to work, honest, or whatever the weakness is, at this particular time of their life, or perhaps for their whole earthly life.

         
          All families are dysfunctional in one way or another and it is my feeling that it is because we took God out of the home.  Never mind that we have taken God out of the schools.   We took God out of the home and put Him only in church. There are lots of tears being shed within families, but they are not tears of love. We are not usually overwhelmed by the love we witness in our home.  Living the way of grace by always reaching out to help especially the weakest at any given moment, will bring tears of love. We cannot do this without God.  Living the way of only the strong survive and we must do it alone, will only bring tears.  We are all weak and we all need the help of God and one another.  It is one thing to look at a video to see great love and be moved to tears, and it is totally another matter to reach out to help another sinner and experience the thrill of loving like Jesus and cry tears of love.

"but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong."  (1 Corinthians 12:9-10)

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) 

Hope

          Without the virtue of hope, we are hopeless.  To know God is to never be hopeless.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines hope as, "The theological virtue by which we desire and expect from God both eternal life and the grace we need to attain it. (1817)"  Webster Dictionary gives this definition of hope:  "a desire combined with expectation; to desire, with belief in possibility of obtaining."  Pope John Paul II (now Blessed) said, "Hope is the bridge that brings faith to love."

          For many years, I desired a lot and I expected a lot of others, especially of my husband and children.  The energy I wasted trying to make things happen the way I desired it, makes me cringe.  My hope was in my plans, and when I was not obtaining what I desired, I was sad and felt alone. There are still times that I start to feel like nothing is ever going to change, that no matter how hard I try, the good that I desire and expect isn't going to happen.  But the difference now is that I truly know God, and we have a close relationship.  I spend time with Him every day, talking with Him, listening for Him, reading His Word, receiving His body and blood, seeking His presensce in my daily life. 

          When I look to my family to do the good that I want them to do, I take my eyes off of the one that has desires for me and expectations of me.  God has a plan for each of us to return to Him and be with Him today and forever in glory.  Whenever I have pushed my family to live according to my plan, I miss out on the opportunity to be a part of God's plan, which is always so much better than I could ever imagine myself.  Here's my story that taught me about the virtue of hope.

         
          During my second year of being a paid youth minister at our Catholic parish, I organized a youth summer mission trip.  Ten teens signed up for the week mission to a large inner city area, an eight hour trip from our hometown.  Since I was going to be the female adult chaperone, I needed to recruit a male adult chaperone to be with the boys.  Much fund raising was required to cover the expense of travel, accommodations, food, etc.  The preparation took months. I had never gone on a mission before or planned one.

          A young male adult who happened to be the son of our Religious Education Director at the parish, and who had helped me in other youth events, volunteered to accompany us on the trip.  Then two months before the scheduled departure, he got a new job and could not get vacation time to chaperone the trip with me.  I immediately had a new plan.

            That night at dinner, I explained to my husband the predicament I was in.  Very nonchalantly I say, "I guess you'll have to go with me."  To which, my husband responds, "Yeah, right."  That was all the indication I needed, that he was going to go along with my plan.  Afterall, he didn't say, "No way."  So, I went along my merry way in finalizing the details of the trip. 

          About three weeks prior to our departure, my husband makes it very clear that he had no intentions on going on this mission trip.  No amount of begging or coercion was going to work.  In desperation, I put out an S.O.S. to all the parents of the teens, some friends, cousins, and to all the youth ministers in our diocese, searching for someone who might qualify as the other adult chaperone.  At this point, I was looking for someone with experience working with teens, male or female.  Giving people only three weeks notice made it impossible to find someone.  I informed my Pastor of the situation and that we may need to cancel the mission.  Unbeknownst to me, that night the Pastor said something to my husband at a parish function, as did another co-worker of mine.  Needless-to-say, this did not make for a happy home that evening.

         
          With two weeks to go and still no second chaperone, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and cried out, "Please forgive my husband, Lord, for not going on the mission with us.  He just isn't as far along in his faith journey as me."  Before I could even finish my lamentation, I heard in my head, that I should be begging for forgiveness for myself, as I have done my husband wrong.  My thoughts continued to chastise me by stating that God has asked me to be the youth minister, not Bob, and I even have our Pastor and my co-worker thinking badly of him.  It was me who desired my husband to go because I can count on him and it would be easier on me.   My thoughts concluded with me hearing that I should apologize to my husband.  So, I asked for the grace to be able to do just that, because I certainly did not have it within myself.  In fact, I had hardly spoken to him in a week.

          Upon entering our home shortly after that encounter with Jesus, I sat across from my husband in the living room. I told Bob that God wanted me to apologize to him about the entire mission trip ordeal.  (Notice that I didn't come right out and apologize, I said that God wanted me to apologize.)  My husband, the one that I accused of not being as far along in his faith journey as me, immediately looked at me and said, "I accept your apology."  No other words followed.  That was it.  If the roles were reversed, I know I would have had to have said, "I knew God would agree with me" or something along those lines. So much for my superior journey of faith!

          Now that my plan had completely failed, I was free to put my hope in God's plan.  I trusted that God desired and expected me to go on this mission trip with these youth.  Therefore, I knew that God desired and expected some other adult to accompany me.  I kept placing urgent phone calls and requests, waiting on the Lord's plan to unfold.  The itinerary of the trip included the chaperones picking up two mini-vans on Saturday, all mission trip participants were to attend that Saturday's Vigil Mass together and receive a special blessing, then head out on Sunday morn really early.  If we did not have a second chaperone on that Saturday morning, the trip was to be cancelled.  However, I was at peace that God had a plan for this mission and it was going to happen.  In fact, I was sure of it.

           The Friday evening before the cancellation deadline, my home phone rang and I told my husband, "This is my angel chaperone calling" and it was.  A lovely young female adult, a teacher with the summer off, and who worked with the youth ministry team in one of the parishes of our diocese, felt that she was supposed to be our other chaperone.  And she was!

          It is my belief that all twelve of us, like the twelve apostles, who were a part of that mission, had an encounter with Jesus.  I know that I was profoundly changed because of the entire experience.  But the person who experienced the most, in my opinion, was this lovely young female adult who said, "Yes" to God's plan, and I almost ruined it with my own plan.

"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.  When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.  When you look for me, you will find me.  Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord, and I will change your lot;"  (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

           

         

       

Trust in God

          I guess I'm down to one day a week of blogging.  Today, I'd like to share the best description of the difference between having faith in God and trusting in God.  I am not sure in what magazine I read the article or the author of it, but I do remember the story.

          A woman went to her priest one day and told him that she has become very ill.  She explained that she thought she had a lot of faith, but now it seems gone.  The priest responded that she has not lost her faith, but what is lacking is her trust in God.  He told her this story:

Every year, a world-famous tight-rope walker crossed over the Niagara Falls.  Spectators came from all around the world and cheered him on.  Prior to stepping out to cross the thundering falls, the tight-rope walker looked to the crowd for reassurance, and they all cried out, "You can do it."  Many of them had seen him do it before, and believed that he could do it again, and yelled, "Go, go, go!"

Then the tight-rope walker announced that this year he was going to cross the Falls pushing a cart.  Everyone cheered with excitement.  He asked the crowd, "Do you think I can do it?"  The lady standing the closest to him replied, "Of course you can.  You are the greatest tight-rope walker in the world."  At that, the tight-rope walker told the lady, "Get in the cart!" 

The priest used this story to teach that there is a difference in having faith in someone and trusting them with your life.  In order to trust God, we must know His great love for us.  There is nothing He would not do for love of us, even death on a cross.  We can certainly trust Him with our life. 

           This was a great lesson for me to learn because I try to apply everything I learn to how it can enrich my family life.  In this story, I saw where I not only did not trust God enough, I did not trust my husband enough.  If it were my husband saying to me, "Get in the cart," I would not have done it.  Talk about a confidence-builder!   It's when I choose to go along for the ride, no matter what may come, that I perform a daring feat of love. 

            It is then that my spouse knows how much I love him and trust him to care for me and our family.  That is so much more important than the outcome of a situation.  So many times I would not even ask his opinion about something and turned to a perfect stranger for advice.  I did the same thing to God, the expert on love.  Instead of going to God's Word and trusting in it enough to live it, I looked to the world for answers. 

            Confidence in being loved, and trust go hand in hand.  I am confident that God loves me more than I could ever imagine.  I trust that He will never do anything to harm us.  The greatest harm we can bring to ourselves is to fall from God's grace.  That happens when we do not trust in love.  I was not always confident of my husband's love for me and vice versa, because a lot of times it didn't seem there.  But God is always there and so we must trust that love is there, even when it seems like it isn't.  Once we are confident that our spouse loves us more than we know and trust that he/she will never desire us to fall from God's grace, we can trustingly say "Yes" to getting in the cart.   It begins with trusting in God!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths."  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 

  

          

         

    

Breaking Bread

          A retreat that I used to give to 8th graders began with me displaying a beautifully-baked coffee cake that I had made with the purpose of enticing these young people to delve into it's deliciousness.  But after my describing the work and ingredients that went into creating the delectible treat, I stated that it was too wonderful to cut into and that we were just going to look at it, admire it but not eat it.  These beautiful young people never let me down, and in every instance, they would whine and moan that they wanted to taste it. 

          The whole purpose for my making the coffee cake was to share it, and it would be a shame if I didn't.  This exercise is to teach that God created us to share ourselves with others and if we don't, our purpose for existence is never realized.  God made us to be good and to share our goodness with others.  If we do not break into a loaf of bread, it cannot be shared.  The disciples on the road to Emmaus recognized Jesus in the breaking of the bread.  He shared His life with them through the scriptures and their hearts were burning within them.  If we do not share our life with others, it is a shame, as Jesus tells us to go out to all the nations and tell the good news.

         
           When I would ask people, what is the Good News that we are supposed to share, I always received a variety of answers.  The Good News is that Jesus lives and loves us!  He didn't die, and we will see Him again when He returns for us.  In the meantime, he sent the Holy Spirit to be with us, and to bring us Jesus in the Eucharist until He comes again.  If this is our faith, it should be a big part of our family life.  But will Jesus find faith on earth when He returns?

            Whenever we come together for a meal as a family, it is a time to share our life with one another around the table. Meal-time is an opportune time because everyone has to eat. Having each family member take turns to share this day of their life, is a valuable family ritual.  If we have faith that Jesus is present in our day, you would think that Jesus deserves honorable mention in the table talk. But it has been my experience that families do not eat many meals together due to busyiness and conflicting schedules.  When the opportunity does present itself, too many times, the television is on or one person monopolizes the conversation, or some family members have nothing to share, etc.  I also realize that when there are little ones, it is a miracle to just get dinner on the table among the chaos and everyone actually eats.  In that instance, just thanking Jesus is all the honorable mention we can do.  But it has also been my experience, that even when given the chance, Jesus is not usually mentioned between husbands and wives, parents and children, extended family, during the course of a meal or day.  In fact, it is usually easier for people to talk faith with strangers or friends than with family members.  I don't know why that is?

          Catholic families are pretty good about praying grace before meals.  But after Jesus gave thanks for the bread, He ceremoniously broke it and then shared it with the disciples, and asked that they do this in His memory.  Jesus' words at the Last Supper are the same words we hear during the consecration at Mass to remember that Jesus keeps nothing from us, including His body and blood.  We receive Him at every Eucharistic meal, after we give thanks and the bread is broken. While we don't share Jesus'  actual body and blood at our dinner tables, we can share ourselves with one another in His memory.  Instead of keeping things about our life to ourselves, especially how much we love Jesus and seeing Him in our life, let us all enjoy the beautifully home-made gift from God that we each are and share, share, share.  It is a shame when we don't!

           One of the objectives of our family retreat ministry, was to help families share food together at their dinner table and enjoy sharing some of their life stories with one another.  For example, a lot of the children did not know how mom and dad met and fell in love.  Likewise, a lot of the parents did not know certain things that had happened to the children at school or with friends.  My husband and I would share some of our stories, highlighting the miracles that Jesus worked in our lives, and the intercession of many saints.  This type of faith talk always initiated a flood of similar stories from the family members.  It was always so wonderful and our hearts would burn within us as we all shared.  Jesus was definitely present as we recognized Him in the breaking of the bread. 

"When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it, and gave it to them.  And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight.  They said to each other, 'Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?'  And they rose that same hour and returned to Jerusalem; and they found the Eleven gathered together and those who were with them, who said, 'The Lord has risen indeed, and has appeared to Simon!'  Then they told what had  happened on the road, and how he was known to them in the breaking of the bread."  (Luke 24:30-35)

       

A Love that is Pure

          As I have said before, it was always my vision to have the type of love between me and my husband like I saw in a good romantic movie.  You know, when the man and woman looked so deeply into each other's eyes that they seemed melded together, or they ran to each other from afar and embraced as if they never wanted to let go.  Dance scenes where the lovers floated across the floor as if carried by love itself, always left me feeling like, I WANT THAT. 

          After years of searching for truth, this is what I learned.  Romance stirs emotions/feelings of love, but it is not love.  Human beings are emotional, and women tend to be much more emotional than men.  We all have spontaneous psychological reactions that do not involve the conscience and results in feelings.  So, if there is no romance, we lack feelings of love.  Thus, the constant mantra of many unhappily married people is, "I don't 'feel' love for him/her."  But love isn't a feeling, it is a conscientious act that comes from a pure heart.

          Someone with a pure heart finds joy in loving, and expects nothing in return.  Their vow to love is pure and is first and foremost on their mind. The actions that flow from a pure heart reveals faithfulness, that no matter what, they will always be with you and will be glad to be.  It's unconditional love.  The unconditional love between a pet dog and its owner is not romantic, it's faithful.  The pure joy communicated by a dog's wagging tail at the sight of its owner, reveals that the owner is first and foremost on the pet's mind and it is happy to be with him/her always, no matter what.  

       
          The greatest love story ever told is the Bible. It is hard for many to believe that because when you read the Old Testament, you don't get a 'feeling' of love amidst all of the violence and chastisements.  In one of my Theology classes, the professor stated that the Bible can be thought of as: the call, the fall, and the recall.  God creates us and calls us to be His people and He will be our God.  Then we fall from His grace but He doesn't leave us. Our God is faithful and  He sends His son to recall to us the Father's love and His faithfulness.  Jesus came so that we will know the Father's love; not 'feel' it.  God is always faithful and will always be with us to take care of us.  To believe that, whether we 'feel' it or not, is to have faith in a God who loves us.

           The romance languages are derived from Latin and Latin was the language of choice in the church to communicate the love of God.  In fact, the recent changes in the Mass reflects the more romantic translation of the original Latin.  The church wants to stir emotions in us to know God's pure love. In today's culture where love is depicted as sexual, erotic, self-seeking and definitely not pure or faithful, it's no wonder that we are so confused as to what it means to love. We need to call upon God's grace and believe in our Father who loves us purely as we are and who will always be faithful.  When we respond in faithfulness to Him and we excitedly attend Mass or Eucharistic Adoration or come to Him in prayer, we are like a faithful dog wagging its tail at the sight of its faithful owner.

          That's a nice visual, but we are not dogs.  We are God's children and we were made by love to BE love.  We are first and foremost in God's life and when we put Him first and foremost in ours, we will have the grace to love our spouse with a pure heart.  I WANT THAT!
          "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."  (Matthew 5:8)

"whereas the aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith."  (1 Timothy 1:5)

"So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart.  Have nothing to do with stupid, senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to every one, an apt teacher, forbearing, correcting his opponents with gentleness."  (2 Timothy 2:22-24)

"let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."  (Hebrews 10:22) 

Work Crew

          There are lots of twists and turns in the travels of daily family life.  Just when I think things are going smooth, we hit a bump in the road.  The seemingly never-ending construction that we experience throughout the summer months on our city roads reminds me that our family is always under construction with barrels to maneuver around, detours, and set-backs to endure.

          How many times have you passed a construction site and not seen a work crew?   The projected date of completion is then set-back, for reasons we do not know.  There can be no progress without a work crew. 

          Building a strong foundation on which to travel through life to Heaven, requires a work crew. That's why God gave us the gift of family.  Daily work and maintenance is required of everyone, utilizing the special gift given to each person.  Just as construction crews have people with expertise in the different areas of construction, family members have differing skills we need to identify.  Valuing each member for the contribution they bring and giving them the freedom to help work on our crew, allows progress to be made toward building a foundation on virtues.

          Every crew needs instruction and the proper tools.  I wish I would have known to teach my children when they were young about virtues and the joy of serving God together, through serving our family.  The times I told them to clean, I don't remember teaching them to clean as if Jesus was using it, and then working with them to accomplish it. I just expected them to know how to clean a bathroom or bedroom and told them where the cleansers were.  Working together and each doing what they can do best, whether it takes longer or is done as good as you could do it alone, is what God does with us.  It is so humbling to be asked by God to work with Him, when I know He doesn't really need me.  That's love! He values the contribution I can make with the gifts He has given me.  But even when I don't contribute, and there are set-backs, He still values me and I still have the gifts He has given me.

          The crew leader of all jobs, especially in marriage and parenting, is the Holy Spirit.  Teaching Confirmation classes for well over a decade, I am reminded of the acronym used to teach the gifts of the Holy Spirit.  The two words are: work crew, spelled phonetically:  WURK CRW.  Each letter represents one of the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit:  Wisdom, Understanding, Right Judgement, Knowledge, Courage, Reverence, Wonder & Awe.

          Each day no matter where we are in the cycle of family life, a single adult, young family, empty-nesters, etc., we need to call in the 'wurk crw.'  We know the gifts that the Holy Spirit brings to the table and He wants to work with us.  We should let our spouse and children hear us call out to the Holy Spirit when the situation calls for more courage, or understanding, or right judgement, etc.  There will always be set-backs and bumpy roads, but we must remember that even with set-backs, we still have our gifts from God and He loves us.  That doesn't change.  For instance, when I have spent quite a bit of time organizing and cleaning but no one notices, it doesn't change the fact that everything is clean and organized.  No matter what happens in our life, it doesn't change the fact that God loves us and pours His gifts upon us each day.


          One of my biggest challenges is to push myself to continue "construction" when things go wrong, even though I prayed, called upon the gifts of the Holy Spirit, persevered in doing something I did not want to do, loved when I didn't feel like loving.   My first thought is usually to give up and quit trying.  But that road leads to nowhere.  We are members of God's family and a part of His work crew building the highway to Heaven.  It is a privilege, set-backs and all.  God can do it without us, but He loves and honors us each day by letting us help Him.  Progress is made when we are united as one family working together with Him. 

          Sometimes a bridge needs to be repaired between family members, or between God and us.  God's mercy is plentiful and waiting for us in the sacrament of Reconciliation, even though it is a road less traveled.  Until the repair is made, the road will always be bumpy. He gives us the tool of forgiveness in order to be able to forgive others freely, and pave our way with virtue.  God is always instructing us through His Word and gifting us with all the tools we need! 

"May your good spirit guide me on level ground."  (Psalm 1143:10)

"The spirit of the Lord shall rest upon him; a spirit of wisdom and of understanding, a spirit of counsel and of strength, a spirit of knowledge and of fear of the Lord"  (Isaiah 11:2)

"In contrast, the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  Against such there is no law.  Let us not be conceited, provoking one another, envious of one another."  (Galatians 5:22-23, 26) 

         
    

The Mountaintop Experience

         The transfiguration of Jesus is a mountaintop experience.  It was such a divine encounter that Peter wanted to pitch tents and remain there forever.  Whenever I experience the divine light of Jesus, I just want to remain in it and stop all else.  I long to remain in His light and love, and to cease any other existence.  But life goes on and the message to us is the same today as it was for Peter, James and John then. 

          Jesus comes down from the mountain to be with us! WOW!! Why? It didn't seem to do much good or to invoke a huge change in the culture of His time, as witnessed by the persecution and cruel death He endured. But He continued to love and to prepare His disciples for His crucifixion and the ultimate mountaintop experience of His resurrection.  He is always preparing us for what lies ahead, just as He was preparing Peter, James and John for what was forthcoming.

          Whenever I do not see results of my hard work, I can get frustrated, depressed and sometimes devastated to the point of giving up the work.  Why clean, as it won't stay clean for very long around here?  Why cook delicious home-cooked meals when it all ends up in the toilet anyway?  (Had to throw that in!)  Why exercise, I'm not losing weight and I won't be able to keep it up? Why love, people don't seem to change? Why strive for holiness in a world that doesn't value it?  Mother Teresa is credited for a poem entitled, Anyway, but it was originally written in 1968 by Kent Keith and slightly reworded by Mother Teresa for her children's home in Calcutta:

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered.  Love them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives.  Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and true enemies.  Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.  Be good anyway.

Honesty and frankness will make you vulnerable.  Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight.  Build anyway.

People need help but will attack you if you help them.  Help them anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.  It was never between you and them anyway."

           Climbing the mountain to have a mountain-top experience is hard work.  Whenever I focus on the climb and getting to the top, I'm distracted from my being in the light and love of Jesus who came down from the mountain to be with me. He didn't ask us to climb a mountain to encounter Him.  He basically tells us that even though our work of loving doesn't seem to make a difference to others, it does make a difference to the Spirit within us, so do it anyway!  The Holy Spirit is preparing us every day to be transfigured into Jesus' radiant light and love by His Word and Sacrament.  It is when His light and love radiates through us to our family that we experience God and the beauty of a mountaintop.

           Why is it so much easier to shine His light on our friends and strangers than it is to our own family?

"And after six days Jesus took with him Peter and James and John his brother, and led them up a high mountain apart.  And he was transfigured before them, and his face shone like the sun, and his garments became white as light.  And behold, there appeared to them Moses and Elijah, talking with him.  And Peter said to Jesus, 'Lord, it is well that we are here; if you wish, I will make three booths here, one for you and one for Moses and one for Elijah.' He was still speaking, when behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, 'This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him'  When the disciples heard this, they fell on their faces, and were filled with awe.  But Jesus came and touched them, saying, 'Rise, and have no fear.' And when they lifted up their eyes, they saw no one but Jesus only."  (Matthew 17:1-8)

          Mother Teresa recited this prayer every day of her life.  It is entitled, Radiating Christ, by Blessed John Henry Newman:

"Dear Jesus, help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go.  Flood our souls with your spirit and life.  Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly, that our lives may only be a radiance of yours.  Shine through us, and be so in us, that every soul we come in contact with may feel your presence in our soul.  Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus!  Stay with us, and then we shall begin to shine as you shine; so to shine as to be a light to others; the light O Jesus, will be all from you, none of it will be ours; it will be you, shining on others through us.  Let us thus praise you in the way you love best, by shining on those around us.  Let us preach you without preaching, not by words but by our example, by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what we do, the evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.  Amen." 

  

                     

Do Not Be Afraid of the Work

            Physical exercise is a part of my daily routine.  I dread it, but I do like the extra energy it produces and the calorie burning.  There are lots of other things I don't like to do either, such as grocery shopping.  But I do like to eat, very much, so it forces me to grocery shop. The joy of food is also the reason that I do not like to fast, but I do like the fruits of fasting.  Anything that requires effort and self-discipline, which basically is anything that resembles work, I look for an easier way.

          There is no such thing as an easy marriage or any easy vocation.   There is no easy way on this pilgrimage.  Sometimes it just seems too hard and I don't want to put forth the effort.  One day as I was complaining to God that I was over-worked and I just couldn't do it all, the thought came to me (I'm sure via the Holy Spirit) that I would do it more willingly if it were for money.  That thought quickly gave me insight into my heart, and I didn't like what I saw. 

          I didn't value family life because there is no monetary gain in it.  Our culture measures success by the amount of money we have.  My husband never made enough money for me and I spoke of our lack of it often.  It was our wish that our children obtain a college degree so that they could seek careers that enabled them to make a lot of money.  And yet, raises in pay brought us happiness initially and then it wasn't enough. The truth is that there is no job more rewarding, more valuable, and more difficult than, to love, especially in family life. 

          A priest at a funeral I attended once stated that you can tell the success of an individual by the amount of people who attend their funeral.  Success lies in the amount of loving we do and not the amount of money we have.  A person who loves a lot is like a magnet that attracts a lot more people, because we are all looking for happiness and lasting happiness is found in being loved.  If it were easy and came in a bottle, we would all love and be loved.  It is hard, hard work that requires an abundance of God, for God is Love!

          So if we find ourselves lacking in love, go to the source of love.  Whenever I am confronted with a proposition and it requires what appears to be a lot of work, my initial reaction is always negative.  But I pray on it, and I hear God say, "Take heart, it is I; have no fear." (Matthew 14:27)  The outcome of my efforts and in disciplining myself to say "yes" to more work, is always positive.  I realize that God picked me for that job to do with Him, and I feel loved and valued. 

          God picked me to love this spouse and this family that He gave me.  It is the most important work I will ever do, and when I choose to do it with God, I am certain to feel loved, valued, and rich!


          "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."  Matthew 6:21


     

Communication

          My husband and I facilitated family retreats.  We have one session where we sit down with the husband and wife on retreat and share our story.  Much to my husband's dismay, I start that session with these words,  "Hi, my name is Linda Tedrick and I am a recovering control freak.  This is my husband, Bob, and he is a recovering non-communicator.  Everyday is still a challenge, and that is why I'm doing all the talking and he is saying nothing."  Every couple would laugh and say that they could relate.

          We all know that communication is a very important element in every relationship.  If there's not much communication, there's not much of a relationship.  That is why the most important communication we can do, is to pray.  Prayer is nothing more than talking with God.  According to St. John Vianney, there are two duties of man --- to pray, and to love.  During my self-centered period, I would talk with God and tell Him everything I wanted from Him.  Likewise, I would talk to my husband and tell him everything I wanted from him.  Gee, I wonder why he didn't enjoy talking with me?!!

          When my conversation with God began to be more about what I could do for God, my life had meaning and I was filled with gratitude and joy.  Likewise, I saw that when I spoke with my husband about what I could do for him, he started to turn the t.v. off, or the radio, or put the paper down, or whatever it was that he was doing to avoid talking with me stopped.  Because I was more attentive to his needs and valued what he had to say, the miracle of a positive, loving dialogue was born in our marriage.  He followed my lead, and started to ask what he could do for me and he started to value what I had to say.  Talking together led to doing good works together united with God. We are very grateful and joyful.  I must add that it amazes me that once my ears were opened to accept whatever my husband had to say, I found his words to be very profound a lot of the time.

          There are still times that I feel the need to bring up something that is unpleasant or derogatory.  In those moments, I pray.  God's Word always encourages me to love dutifully by valuing all that is good in my husband.  He reminds me of his goodness for the mere fact that he came from God and God is incapable of creating anything but good.  God dwells in him, and he is beautiful.  When I see him in that light, he begins to shine.

          At a conference I attended once, a psychologist explained that a child who is told that he is bad, will act bad because that is who he is.  If he is bad, he must do bad things.  God showed me that if a spouse is told (or feels) that he/she is not worthily contributing, he/she will act accordingly.  There is good in everyone because God dwells in us.   Once I truly began to value my husband's contribution to our family, even though I wasn't in control, our conversations and actions were blessed.  Following my husband's lead by not needing to talk endlessly about everything has also blessed us!

          The lesson I have learned is that every conversation should be an encouragement to pray and to love.  The statement, "let's pray on it" or "let's value everyone because God dwells in them and  we are to be obedient to God's command to love everyone" should be stated often, and lived!  When we encounter a difficult situation with a person, let's communicate to ourself, "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!" (Psalm 84:2)  Strong and fruitful relationships will grow and bloom.

Blaming Versus Understanding

          One of the best times of being a parent is when our children work or play together lovingly. Those times always overwhelm me and I want to live in that moment for as long as I can and bask in the light of that peace and joy.  Likewise, I enjoy books, movies, stories, that have people united in a love that is pure, innocent and genuine; the feel-good-kind of stories. 

          When my life story started to include more of my husband and I working and playing together lovingly, I experienced many more feel-good-kind of days.  It meant putting an end to my childish ways of blaming the other for not going by the rules, usually my rules, or not cooperating properly, trying very hard, etc.  Whenever we started to argue, I always thought in my head, "Well, you started it."  Starting it is always easy, but the challenge lies in stopping it before it escalates.

          I now picture our Father in Heaven watching our family live together, and I want to give Him a feel-good-kind of moment.  When I start the blaming game of, "he did this or he didn't do this," it takes an act of God, literally, to stop me in my tracks and turn things around.  I beg for the grace to be more understanding and to overcome my stubborness to say, "I shouldn't have said or did this or that, please forgive me."  The situation changes.

          The following excerpt from a Bantam Book entitled, Peace in Every Step by Thich Nhat Hahn was in a church bulletin recently, and it beautifully sums up what I learned about blaming versus understanding:

When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce.  You look for reasons it is not doing well.  It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun.  You never blame the lettuce.
Yet if we have problems with our friends or our family, we blame the other person.  But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce.  Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and arguments. That is my experience.  No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding.  If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change.

          This Sunday we celebrate Father's Day.  Let's give Our Father in Heaven a feel-good-kind of day by living as children of God that work, play, and pray together lovingly.  It's the gift that keeps on giving because we give ourselves and our family a feel-good-kind of day too!

               

To be Fully Human

           We've been on vacation and are now back.  I'll be attempting to blog every Tuesday and Friday once again.  It's amazing how I thought that my sharing the lessons I have learned in this blog was to help others, only to see how God is using this blog to help me to grow closer to Him. So, I continue with His grace.

           The month of June is dedicated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Jesus' heart is totally consumed with the fire of Love.  His heart burns with the love of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit for us.  All that Jesus does flows from the love in His sacred heart. The three persons in one God are always together and united as one, as Jesus said to His disciples, if they have seen Jesus, they have seen the Father. Trying to understand the mystery of the Holy Trinity made me more aware of what it means to be a Holy Human.

          Holy is the root word of whole.  To be wholly human, the mind, body, and spirit must work together and be united as one.  We are whole/holy when all that we do flows from a heart of love. Being well in mind, body, and spirit means having a heart on fire with love for God.  When our heart is totally consumed with love for God, we can love our family and everyone else like Jesus.  Our actions reflect what is in our heart. Is it consumed with the love of God, the love of ourself, or the love of the world or ...?

           There are many times when I say one thing, and do another. In addition, my spirit does not always reflect a spirit of love.  But there was a time that God gave me an experience of a burning in my heart and I learned what it means to be fully human as Jesus was fully human.

            While in parish ministry, a parishioner approached me about praying for their children as the mom and dad were getting a divorce.  After sharing many resources with her, I told her that I would be praying for them, especially on the Friday that the divorce was to be final.  That Friday morning, I remembered the family and spoke to God about their situation.  In my mind, I had been given a thought of why the marriage fell apart.  It seemed to me that it was a problem that could be easily reconciled and I vowed to call the mom the following Monday to discuss this further.  Due to the fact that on that Friday I had planned a shopping outing with friends, I did not want to take care of it right then.

          To make a long story short, I ended up cancelling my plans with friends in order to meet with the mom that day, because the Holy Spirit would not let me stop thinking about it.  I sacrificed my first day off in weeks to help someone I really did not know for the love of God.  My mind, body, and spirit united in doing a loving thing.  On my drive home after spending several hours with the mom, I felt a burning in my heart that brought tears to my eyes, and I experienced a feeling of pleasing God and of wholeness.  There was nothing that I could have done with my friends on that day that could come close to the feeling of God's love on fire in my heart.  Again, I thought I was helping someone else, and God was using that situation to help me know His love more deeply.  It is all God's grace. Our God is amazing!  Come, Holy Spirit, fill the hearts of your faithful and enkindle in us the fire of your love!

"Philip said to him, 'Lord, show us the Father, and we shall be satisfied.'  Jesus said to him, 'Have I been with you so long, and yet you do not know me, Philip?  He who has seen me has seen the Father; how can you say, 'Show us the Father'?"  John 14:8-9


"I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."  Romans 7:15


"I came to cast fire upon the earth; and would that it were already kindled!"  Luke 12:49

Encouragement to Serve Humbly

        Every day is a challenge to love one another.  I hope that in this blog I do not display self-righteousness or act as if I have it all figured out and that married life is easy for me now.  Each day I must put forth a great effort to stay centered in Christ rather than in myself.  And some days I do well and some days I don't do as well. 

        To close out the month of May, I need to point to our Blessed Mother once again.  She is the shining example of the virtue of humility.  There was a time that I thought being humble meant to think less of myself, when it actually means to think of myself less.  Blessed Mother immediately said yes to being obedient to God's will for her and did not consider the difficulties it was going to cause her.  Then after the Holy Spirit overshadowed her and she became pregnant with Jesus, she travelled to her cousin Elizabeth to serve her in her time of need.  Blessed Mother was thinking about serving and not about herself.

        A lot of my problems within family life stems from desiring an easier way of living life.  Managing a household requires constant service.  The home is our mission field and the work is never done.  I never worked alongside Mother Teresa in Calcutta, but something tells me she never looked at the amount of work she had to do but looked at the opportunity to serve God in the poor.  She was a humble servant.  And so many people were drawn to this small holy woman.

        Being a part of something good and positive draws others.  It feels good to be a part of something positive.  In family life, my complaining about how much I had to do or detailing how much I did do, with an air that no one appreciated it, did not make my family members jump to help me.  It was when I served humbly and with joy, that I received unsolicited help, and it was a very positive experience for everyone.

        For years, I did not want any help because it usually caused me more work.  I missed out on having my husband help me cook because it usually meant washing more pans and a thorough cleaning of the stove/oven too.  The children wanted to help, but they might spill something or cause me to then need to wash the floor, etc.  There is not much humility in any of that!

        Staying positive about being a humble servant requires support. Being in family ministry, I talk with a lot of couples who are in difficult marriages.  It is easy for them to find friends and family members who will tell them to get divorced and move on.  It is not as easy to find friends and family members who will point to Jesus and encourage us to be faithful servants.  The purpose that I feel God is asking me to share my lessons on this blog is to encourage one another in continuing to run the race to the finish, fight the good fight.  This earthly battle is difficult and we need each other to support our striving to win the prize.

        To my surprise, the prize of love came to me when I started to think about myself less.  Many saints have said that all the other virtues flow from the virtue of humility.  Seeing serving others as an opportunity to be a part of something good and positive drew people to me and I felt the love of God through the love of others.  It is a grand prize.

        Whether single, married, separated, divorced, religious, let's encourage one another to seize the opportunity to be a part of something good and positive and serve humbly. 


        "Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for 'God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.'"  1 Peter 5:5

         
        "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."  2 Timothy 4:7


        "What does it profit, my brethren, if a man says he has faith but has not works?  Can his faith save him?  If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and in lack of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what does it profit?  So faith by iteself, if it has no works, is dead."  James 2:14-17

        "May the God of steadfastness and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus, that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ."  Romans 15:5-6

       

Being Intentional

        Today is our 38th Wedding Anniversary!  When we got married 38 years ago, I did so with the intent to stay married until death do us part.  I didn't realize then that unless we bring new life into each day through the Spirit of Love, we do die even though we still breathe, and we do part, even though we remain together.  Thank you, Holy Spirit, the giver of life, for flaming the embers of love in our heart, to bring us to live anew each day on fire with the love of God.

        The biggest change in me that reaped the biggest reward in my vocation as a wife was when I began each day being intentional about being the best wife that I could be with the help of Jesus and His Blessed Mother.  I pray each morning for the grace to have pure intentions in all that I think, say, and do, motivated solely for the purpose of giving glory to God, our Father and creator.  By my being faithful to my promise to love and honor my husband until death do us part, I glorify God.  I end my morning prayer by asking Jesus to help me to remember to do everything with Him and not just for Him, so my work each day will be a worthy offering to God. 

        Jesus is the only one who could die for our sins as He is the perfect sacrifice. When I try to do things without Him, which happens all of the time, I feel stressed to get done what I think needs to be done.  When I make a conscious effort before each task to call upon the Holy Spirit as my advocate and counselor, everything seems to go much smoother and I feel that I am about our Father's business alongside Jesus.  With Jesus, it is a perfect sacrifice, done with and for love. 

         There is a Christian Family Life radio station that I came across since recently moving that does a great job of promoting intentional living.  It really made all the difference for me many years ago when I read a book about waking up each morning with the intent to honor your spouse throughtout the entire day.  This intention became mine and it did not hinge on whether my spouse deserved to be honored or not, or whether he was honoring me.  The knowledge of the Holy Spirit that God honors me and loves me faithfully each day, became enough for me.  I felt joy in that inspiration and that joy captured my husband too.  It started slowly to change everything, and the planting of our life as one started to sprout new green leaves.

        Each day is a gift from God to celebrate life and love.  Let's all celebrate today by being intentional about it!
 
        "Make love your aim, and earnestly desire the spiritual gifts" (1 Corinthians 14:1)

        "Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude.  Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never ends;"  (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)