After years of searching for truth, this is what I learned. Romance stirs emotions/feelings of love, but it is not love. Human beings are emotional, and women tend to be much more emotional than men. We all have spontaneous psychological reactions that do not involve the conscience and results in feelings. So, if there is no romance, we lack feelings of love. Thus, the constant mantra of many unhappily married people is, "I don't 'feel' love for him/her." But love isn't a feeling, it is a conscientious act that comes from a pure heart.
Someone with a pure heart finds joy in loving, and expects nothing in return. Their vow to love is pure and is first and foremost on their mind. The actions that flow from a pure heart reveals faithfulness, that no matter what, they will always be with you and will be glad to be. It's unconditional love. The unconditional love between a pet dog and its owner is not romantic, it's faithful. The pure joy communicated by a dog's wagging tail at the sight of its owner, reveals that the owner is first and foremost on the pet's mind and it is happy to be with him/her always, no matter what.
The greatest love story ever told is the Bible. It is hard for many to believe that because when you read the Old Testament, you don't get a 'feeling' of love amidst all of the violence and chastisements. In one of my Theology classes, the professor stated that the Bible can be thought of as: the call, the fall, and the recall. God creates us and calls us to be His people and He will be our God. Then we fall from His grace but He doesn't leave us. Our God is faithful and He sends His son to recall to us the Father's love and His faithfulness. Jesus came so that we will know the Father's love; not 'feel' it. God is always faithful and will always be with us to take care of us. To believe that, whether we 'feel' it or not, is to have faith in a God who loves us.
The romance languages are derived from Latin and Latin was the language of choice in the church to communicate the love of God. In fact, the recent changes in the Mass reflects the more romantic translation of the original Latin. The church wants to stir emotions in us to know God's pure love. In today's culture where love is depicted as sexual, erotic, self-seeking and definitely not pure or faithful, it's no wonder that we are so confused as to what it means to love. We need to call upon God's grace and believe in our Father who loves us purely as we are and who will always be faithful. When we respond in faithfulness to Him and we excitedly attend Mass or Eucharistic Adoration or come to Him in prayer, we are like a faithful dog wagging its tail at the sight of its faithful owner.
That's a nice visual, but we are not dogs. We are God's children and we were made by love to BE love. We are first and foremost in God's life and when we put Him first and foremost in ours, we will have the grace to love our spouse with a pure heart. I WANT THAT!
"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God." (Matthew 5:8)
"whereas the aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith." (1 Timothy 1:5)
"So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with stupid, senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to every one, an apt teacher, forbearing, correcting his opponents with gentleness." (2 Timothy 2:22-24)
"let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water." (Hebrews 10:22)
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