Tears of Love

          My favorite commercials, videos, movies, etc. are those that move me to tears.  I have been told that I have been given by God the gift of tears because I cry very easily.  For years I considered it a curse, but now I accept the notion that my heart cannot contain all the love that God wants to pour into it, and it overflows through my tear-ducts.  Whenever I see the kindness of someone reaching out to help another person, especially if the other person seems weaker than they, I see the beauty of Christ's love and it overwhelms my heart.

          In our ministry to families, I would tell the story of the Hoyt family about a father who competes in marathons and triathalons while pushing his disabled son in a wheelchair.  After reading their story, I would show the video, www.teamhoyt.com.  It brought many of our retreatants to tears, and although I have seen this video countless times, I still cry.   As beautiful as that story is, it does not come close to how beautiful God's love is for us, his disabled adopted children.  The objective of my sharing the Hoyt's story with others is to teach that we are all disabled.  We cannot love like our Father loves.  Our Father loves us so much that He sent us His Son, to be lifted up on the cross, so that we can be free of sin and experience what it feels like to truly love.  Sacrificial love day after day is a tough race, and one that Jesus runs for us.  He takes us along so we will know the thrill of what it is like to love like He loves.  Sacrificing for those who are weak with Jesus will bring tears of love.

          Within family life, when one member has a bad attitude due to hormones, illness, lack of sleep, stress, lack of prayer or whatever, the other family members usually do not cut them any slack.  In fact, we usually respond to them in anger or making fun of them.  Our society teaches that it is survival of the fittest; only the strong survive.  Unless we can see the reason for their weakness, and judge it to be a viable reason, we do not go out of our way to help them or forgive them for their inabilities to be loving, cheerful, sober, motivated to work, honest, or whatever the weakness is, at this particular time of their life, or perhaps for their whole earthly life.

         
          All families are dysfunctional in one way or another and it is my feeling that it is because we took God out of the home.  Never mind that we have taken God out of the schools.   We took God out of the home and put Him only in church. There are lots of tears being shed within families, but they are not tears of love. We are not usually overwhelmed by the love we witness in our home.  Living the way of grace by always reaching out to help especially the weakest at any given moment, will bring tears of love. We cannot do this without God.  Living the way of only the strong survive and we must do it alone, will only bring tears.  We are all weak and we all need the help of God and one another.  It is one thing to look at a video to see great love and be moved to tears, and it is totally another matter to reach out to help another sinner and experience the thrill of loving like Jesus and cry tears of love.

"but he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'  I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities, for when I am weak, then I am strong."  (1 Corinthians 12:9-10)

"But God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) 

Hope

          Without the virtue of hope, we are hopeless.  To know God is to never be hopeless.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines hope as, "The theological virtue by which we desire and expect from God both eternal life and the grace we need to attain it. (1817)"  Webster Dictionary gives this definition of hope:  "a desire combined with expectation; to desire, with belief in possibility of obtaining."  Pope John Paul II (now Blessed) said, "Hope is the bridge that brings faith to love."

          For many years, I desired a lot and I expected a lot of others, especially of my husband and children.  The energy I wasted trying to make things happen the way I desired it, makes me cringe.  My hope was in my plans, and when I was not obtaining what I desired, I was sad and felt alone. There are still times that I start to feel like nothing is ever going to change, that no matter how hard I try, the good that I desire and expect isn't going to happen.  But the difference now is that I truly know God, and we have a close relationship.  I spend time with Him every day, talking with Him, listening for Him, reading His Word, receiving His body and blood, seeking His presensce in my daily life. 

          When I look to my family to do the good that I want them to do, I take my eyes off of the one that has desires for me and expectations of me.  God has a plan for each of us to return to Him and be with Him today and forever in glory.  Whenever I have pushed my family to live according to my plan, I miss out on the opportunity to be a part of God's plan, which is always so much better than I could ever imagine myself.  Here's my story that taught me about the virtue of hope.

         
          During my second year of being a paid youth minister at our Catholic parish, I organized a youth summer mission trip.  Ten teens signed up for the week mission to a large inner city area, an eight hour trip from our hometown.  Since I was going to be the female adult chaperone, I needed to recruit a male adult chaperone to be with the boys.  Much fund raising was required to cover the expense of travel, accommodations, food, etc.  The preparation took months. I had never gone on a mission before or planned one.

          A young male adult who happened to be the son of our Religious Education Director at the parish, and who had helped me in other youth events, volunteered to accompany us on the trip.  Then two months before the scheduled departure, he got a new job and could not get vacation time to chaperone the trip with me.  I immediately had a new plan.

            That night at dinner, I explained to my husband the predicament I was in.  Very nonchalantly I say, "I guess you'll have to go with me."  To which, my husband responds, "Yeah, right."  That was all the indication I needed, that he was going to go along with my plan.  Afterall, he didn't say, "No way."  So, I went along my merry way in finalizing the details of the trip. 

          About three weeks prior to our departure, my husband makes it very clear that he had no intentions on going on this mission trip.  No amount of begging or coercion was going to work.  In desperation, I put out an S.O.S. to all the parents of the teens, some friends, cousins, and to all the youth ministers in our diocese, searching for someone who might qualify as the other adult chaperone.  At this point, I was looking for someone with experience working with teens, male or female.  Giving people only three weeks notice made it impossible to find someone.  I informed my Pastor of the situation and that we may need to cancel the mission.  Unbeknownst to me, that night the Pastor said something to my husband at a parish function, as did another co-worker of mine.  Needless-to-say, this did not make for a happy home that evening.

         
          With two weeks to go and still no second chaperone, I went before the Blessed Sacrament and cried out, "Please forgive my husband, Lord, for not going on the mission with us.  He just isn't as far along in his faith journey as me."  Before I could even finish my lamentation, I heard in my head, that I should be begging for forgiveness for myself, as I have done my husband wrong.  My thoughts continued to chastise me by stating that God has asked me to be the youth minister, not Bob, and I even have our Pastor and my co-worker thinking badly of him.  It was me who desired my husband to go because I can count on him and it would be easier on me.   My thoughts concluded with me hearing that I should apologize to my husband.  So, I asked for the grace to be able to do just that, because I certainly did not have it within myself.  In fact, I had hardly spoken to him in a week.

          Upon entering our home shortly after that encounter with Jesus, I sat across from my husband in the living room. I told Bob that God wanted me to apologize to him about the entire mission trip ordeal.  (Notice that I didn't come right out and apologize, I said that God wanted me to apologize.)  My husband, the one that I accused of not being as far along in his faith journey as me, immediately looked at me and said, "I accept your apology."  No other words followed.  That was it.  If the roles were reversed, I know I would have had to have said, "I knew God would agree with me" or something along those lines. So much for my superior journey of faith!

          Now that my plan had completely failed, I was free to put my hope in God's plan.  I trusted that God desired and expected me to go on this mission trip with these youth.  Therefore, I knew that God desired and expected some other adult to accompany me.  I kept placing urgent phone calls and requests, waiting on the Lord's plan to unfold.  The itinerary of the trip included the chaperones picking up two mini-vans on Saturday, all mission trip participants were to attend that Saturday's Vigil Mass together and receive a special blessing, then head out on Sunday morn really early.  If we did not have a second chaperone on that Saturday morning, the trip was to be cancelled.  However, I was at peace that God had a plan for this mission and it was going to happen.  In fact, I was sure of it.

           The Friday evening before the cancellation deadline, my home phone rang and I told my husband, "This is my angel chaperone calling" and it was.  A lovely young female adult, a teacher with the summer off, and who worked with the youth ministry team in one of the parishes of our diocese, felt that she was supposed to be our other chaperone.  And she was!

          It is my belief that all twelve of us, like the twelve apostles, who were a part of that mission, had an encounter with Jesus.  I know that I was profoundly changed because of the entire experience.  But the person who experienced the most, in my opinion, was this lovely young female adult who said, "Yes" to God's plan, and I almost ruined it with my own plan.

"For I know well the plans I have in mind for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare, not for woe! plans to give you a future full of hope.  When you call me, when you go to pray to me, I will listen to you.  When you look for me, you will find me.  Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, you will find me with you, says the Lord, and I will change your lot;"  (Jeremiah 29:11-14)

           

         

       

Trust in God

          I guess I'm down to one day a week of blogging.  Today, I'd like to share the best description of the difference between having faith in God and trusting in God.  I am not sure in what magazine I read the article or the author of it, but I do remember the story.

          A woman went to her priest one day and told him that she has become very ill.  She explained that she thought she had a lot of faith, but now it seems gone.  The priest responded that she has not lost her faith, but what is lacking is her trust in God.  He told her this story:

Every year, a world-famous tight-rope walker crossed over the Niagara Falls.  Spectators came from all around the world and cheered him on.  Prior to stepping out to cross the thundering falls, the tight-rope walker looked to the crowd for reassurance, and they all cried out, "You can do it."  Many of them had seen him do it before, and believed that he could do it again, and yelled, "Go, go, go!"

Then the tight-rope walker announced that this year he was going to cross the Falls pushing a cart.  Everyone cheered with excitement.  He asked the crowd, "Do you think I can do it?"  The lady standing the closest to him replied, "Of course you can.  You are the greatest tight-rope walker in the world."  At that, the tight-rope walker told the lady, "Get in the cart!" 

The priest used this story to teach that there is a difference in having faith in someone and trusting them with your life.  In order to trust God, we must know His great love for us.  There is nothing He would not do for love of us, even death on a cross.  We can certainly trust Him with our life. 

           This was a great lesson for me to learn because I try to apply everything I learn to how it can enrich my family life.  In this story, I saw where I not only did not trust God enough, I did not trust my husband enough.  If it were my husband saying to me, "Get in the cart," I would not have done it.  Talk about a confidence-builder!   It's when I choose to go along for the ride, no matter what may come, that I perform a daring feat of love. 

            It is then that my spouse knows how much I love him and trust him to care for me and our family.  That is so much more important than the outcome of a situation.  So many times I would not even ask his opinion about something and turned to a perfect stranger for advice.  I did the same thing to God, the expert on love.  Instead of going to God's Word and trusting in it enough to live it, I looked to the world for answers. 

            Confidence in being loved, and trust go hand in hand.  I am confident that God loves me more than I could ever imagine.  I trust that He will never do anything to harm us.  The greatest harm we can bring to ourselves is to fall from God's grace.  That happens when we do not trust in love.  I was not always confident of my husband's love for me and vice versa, because a lot of times it didn't seem there.  But God is always there and so we must trust that love is there, even when it seems like it isn't.  Once we are confident that our spouse loves us more than we know and trust that he/she will never desire us to fall from God's grace, we can trustingly say "Yes" to getting in the cart.   It begins with trusting in God!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, on your own intelligence rely not; In all your ways be mindful of him, and he will make straight your paths."  (Proverbs 3:5-6)

 

  

          

         

    

Breaking Bread

          A retreat that I used to give to 8th graders began with me displaying a beautifully-baked coffee cake that I had made with the purpose of enticing these young people to delve into it's deliciousness.  But after my describing the work and ingredients that went into creating the delectible treat, I stated that it was too wonderful to cut into and that we were just going to look at it, admire it but not eat it.  These beautiful young people never let me down, and in every instance, they would whine and moan that they wanted to taste it. 

          The whole purpose for my making the coffee cake was to share it, and it would be a shame if I didn't.  This exercise is to teach that God created us to share ourselves with others and if we don't, our purpose for existence is never realized.  God made us to be good and to share our goodness with others.  If we do not break into a loaf of bread, it cannot be shared.  The disciples on the road to Emmaus recognized Jesus in the breaking of the bread.  He shared His life with them through the scriptures and their hearts were burning within them.  If we do not share our life with others, it is a shame, as Jesus tells us to go out to all the nations and tell the good news.

         
           When I would ask people, what is the Good News that we are supposed to share, I always received a variety of answers.  The Good News is that Jesus lives and loves us!  He didn't die, and we will see Him again when He returns for us.  In the meantime, he sent the Holy Spirit to be with us, and to bring us Jesus in the Eucharist until He comes again.  If this is our faith, it should be a big part of our family life.  But will Jesus find faith on earth when He returns?

            Whenever we come together for a meal as a family, it is a time to share our life with one another around the table. Meal-time is an opportune time because everyone has to eat. Having each family member take turns to share this day of their life, is a valuable family ritual.  If we have faith that Jesus is present in our day, you would think that Jesus deserves honorable mention in the table talk. But it has been my experience that families do not eat many meals together due to busyiness and conflicting schedules.  When the opportunity does present itself, too many times, the television is on or one person monopolizes the conversation, or some family members have nothing to share, etc.  I also realize that when there are little ones, it is a miracle to just get dinner on the table among the chaos and everyone actually eats.  In that instance, just thanking Jesus is all the honorable mention we can do.  But it has also been my experience, that even when given the chance, Jesus is not usually mentioned between husbands and wives, parents and children, extended family, during the course of a meal or day.  In fact, it is usually easier for people to talk faith with strangers or friends than with family members.  I don't know why that is?

          Catholic families are pretty good about praying grace before meals.  But after Jesus gave thanks for the bread, He ceremoniously broke it and then shared it with the disciples, and asked that they do this in His memory.  Jesus' words at the Last Supper are the same words we hear during the consecration at Mass to remember that Jesus keeps nothing from us, including His body and blood.  We receive Him at every Eucharistic meal, after we give thanks and the bread is broken. While we don't share Jesus'  actual body and blood at our dinner tables, we can share ourselves with one another in His memory.  Instead of keeping things about our life to ourselves, especially how much we love Jesus and seeing Him in our life, let us all enjoy the beautifully home-made gift from God that we each are and share, share, share.  It is a shame when we don't!

           One of the objectives of our family retreat ministry, was to help families share food together at their dinner table and enjoy sharing some of their life stories with one another.  For example, a lot of the children did not know how mom and dad met and fell in love.  Likewise, a lot of the parents did not know certain things that had happened to the children at school or with friends.  My husband and I would share some of our stories, highlighting the miracles that Jesus worked in our lives, and the intercession of many saints.  This type of faith talk always initiated a flood of similar stories from the family members.  It was always so wonderful and our hearts would burn within us as we all shared.  Jesus was definitely present as we recognized Him in the breaking of the bread. 

"When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed and broke it, and gave it to them.  And their eyes were opened and they recognized him; and he vanished out of their sight.  They said to each other, 'Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?'  And they rose that same hour and returned to Jerusalem; and they found the Eleven gathered together and those who were with them, who said, 'The Lord has risen indeed, and has appeared to Simon!'  Then they told what had  happened on the road, and how he was known to them in the breaking of the bread."  (Luke 24:30-35)

       

A Love that is Pure

          As I have said before, it was always my vision to have the type of love between me and my husband like I saw in a good romantic movie.  You know, when the man and woman looked so deeply into each other's eyes that they seemed melded together, or they ran to each other from afar and embraced as if they never wanted to let go.  Dance scenes where the lovers floated across the floor as if carried by love itself, always left me feeling like, I WANT THAT. 

          After years of searching for truth, this is what I learned.  Romance stirs emotions/feelings of love, but it is not love.  Human beings are emotional, and women tend to be much more emotional than men.  We all have spontaneous psychological reactions that do not involve the conscience and results in feelings.  So, if there is no romance, we lack feelings of love.  Thus, the constant mantra of many unhappily married people is, "I don't 'feel' love for him/her."  But love isn't a feeling, it is a conscientious act that comes from a pure heart.

          Someone with a pure heart finds joy in loving, and expects nothing in return.  Their vow to love is pure and is first and foremost on their mind. The actions that flow from a pure heart reveals faithfulness, that no matter what, they will always be with you and will be glad to be.  It's unconditional love.  The unconditional love between a pet dog and its owner is not romantic, it's faithful.  The pure joy communicated by a dog's wagging tail at the sight of its owner, reveals that the owner is first and foremost on the pet's mind and it is happy to be with him/her always, no matter what.  

       
          The greatest love story ever told is the Bible. It is hard for many to believe that because when you read the Old Testament, you don't get a 'feeling' of love amidst all of the violence and chastisements.  In one of my Theology classes, the professor stated that the Bible can be thought of as: the call, the fall, and the recall.  God creates us and calls us to be His people and He will be our God.  Then we fall from His grace but He doesn't leave us. Our God is faithful and  He sends His son to recall to us the Father's love and His faithfulness.  Jesus came so that we will know the Father's love; not 'feel' it.  God is always faithful and will always be with us to take care of us.  To believe that, whether we 'feel' it or not, is to have faith in a God who loves us.

           The romance languages are derived from Latin and Latin was the language of choice in the church to communicate the love of God.  In fact, the recent changes in the Mass reflects the more romantic translation of the original Latin.  The church wants to stir emotions in us to know God's pure love. In today's culture where love is depicted as sexual, erotic, self-seeking and definitely not pure or faithful, it's no wonder that we are so confused as to what it means to love. We need to call upon God's grace and believe in our Father who loves us purely as we are and who will always be faithful.  When we respond in faithfulness to Him and we excitedly attend Mass or Eucharistic Adoration or come to Him in prayer, we are like a faithful dog wagging its tail at the sight of its faithful owner.

          That's a nice visual, but we are not dogs.  We are God's children and we were made by love to BE love.  We are first and foremost in God's life and when we put Him first and foremost in ours, we will have the grace to love our spouse with a pure heart.  I WANT THAT!
          "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."  (Matthew 5:8)

"whereas the aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and sincere faith."  (1 Timothy 1:5)

"So shun youthful passions and aim at righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call upon the Lord from a pure heart.  Have nothing to do with stupid, senseless controversies; you know that they breed quarrels.  And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to every one, an apt teacher, forbearing, correcting his opponents with gentleness."  (2 Timothy 2:22-24)

"let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water."  (Hebrews 10:22)