I DO.

A short introductory chapter entitled, I Do, of my book:

     I was raised by my loving parents to be a wife and mother.  It is all that I dreamed of from an early age.  That "dream" was filled with the visions seen on television shows and movies in the 60's era of how lovely getting married is.  Upon entering that state of life on May 25, 1974, I realized within the first three days of our honeymoon that it wasn't going to be Gidget and Moondoggie having fun, fun, fun, in the sun, sun, sun.

     Looking up to Heaven, I had a long talk with God about the fact that I think I made a mistake.  The man I married seemed to change overnight and my needs were not being met.  Had I just signed up for a life sentence with this man who did not love me the way I felt I should be loved.  He did not seem to appreciate me, nor did he desire what I desired.

     So, why did I feel that our marriage was not a mistake and totally of God?  It was a mystery to me for many years.  I went through all the motions of being a "good" wife.  God blessed us with two beautiful sons and we lived family life in a daily routine where anyone looking at us would think we had the perfect life, and I tried to make it so.

     The key word in that sentence is, "I."  I was a living martyr.  I did everything and my husband did nothing but go to work, which I did too.  Because martyrdom is saintly, I considered myself a saint.  Weekly church attendance, prayer before meals, any talk about Jesus was all initiated by me.  To solidify my surety that I was on the saintly path, I taught Catechism at our Catholic parish for most of my adult life.  I was a good person, and I wanted my husband to be as good and holy as me.

     My constant suggestions to my husband of how he could better himself were always met with disdain.  But I had the "saintly" courage to keep communicating my feelings to him on a regular basis and accepted persecution in the name of love.  I was very unhappy and at one point in our marriage, I was ready to call it quits.  There was a man at my workplace paying attention to me and I thought life would be so much better if I was married to him.  My thought was that I deserved better and so did our two young boys.

     The Catholic Church teaches, however, that divorce is only allowed in the case of abuse.  Well you can imagine that I could easily build a case of emotional and/or spiritual abuse in this marriage of which I was the saintly one.  So, I went to my pastor for counsel.

     With confidence, I expelled all the details of my marriage to this priest, expecting his sympathy and words of, "you poor thing."  You can just imagine my astonishment then, when just the opposite took place.  He was very kind and compassioinate as he spoke to me about my need to change; to be more loving toward my husband.  I couldn't believe it!  Although I asked for his counsel, what I really wanted was his blessing to change husbands, not to change me.

     This good and holy priest told me that the only time we get what we truly deserve in life, is at the end of this one.  And when that time comes, he explained that God is not going to ask if everyone appreciated me and loved me the way I deserved to be loved.  He is going to ask, "Did you love and honor my son for me, as you promised?"

Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather.  Never, ever, in a million years did I expect that response to my sorrowful woes.  What about me and my need to be loved?  What about his promise to love and honor me?  So, my reply to his statement that it is me that needs to change was, "I do?"