Taming of the Shrew

     Positive changes were beginning to take place in our family life.  My husband was beginning to treat me differently, because I was treating him differently.  Even though I write about this as if it all happened in a matter of days or even weeks, it was not that way.  It's like putting small amounts of money in the bank.  It doesn't add up to much at the time, but put it all together and over time it accummulates and is worth a lot.  But there always came a time that I blew the savings because I could not hold my tongue.

     St. James tells us, "For every kind of beast and bird, of repitle and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue -- a restless evil, full of deadly poison.  With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My breathen, this ought not to be so." (James 3:7-10)

     It seemed that I could not resist any opportunity to point out the mistakes or stupid things that my husband did.  And it was as if I had to reiterate it more than just once or twice to really make sure that he understood just how stupid he was. When I wasn't using words to tell him, I used non-verbal language and, if looks could kill, he would definitely be dead.  The silent treatment usually proceeded the tongue lashing, as if I didn't drive home enough that I was not happy.

     Again, by the grace of God, I was shown that there are no amount of words that can change something that has already happened, so why say anything that makes matters worse.  The tongue is like a sword that kills the inner spirit of those we love, if we are not mindful and careful. Once words are released, they cannot be taken back.  Words of encouragement to learn from our mistakes or words of charity is what builds strong relationships of love.

     But St. James is right when he states that, "no human being can tame the tongue."  We must have a heart filled with Jesus and then the words that come forth from our mouth is of peace.  So many times, my desire to prove that I am right is stronger than my desire not to hurt the feelings of my husband, and I do not ask the Holy Spirit to speak for me.  I must say that I think women are right most of the time, however, God is not interested in how many times we are right.  He is only interested in the times that we are loving.  Without a doubt, it feels much better to be loving than to be right.

      Our family life improved greatly when I started to call upon the Holy Spirit to give me the words at difficult moments, or to keep my mouth shut.  There are still times, however, that even though I call upon the Holy Spirit and repeat in my thoughts, "Don't let me say it, don't let me say it, don't let me say it, don't let me say it," oh no, I say it anyway. That is because my will to say it is greater than my will to give it to God. And it always makes matters worse.  But every day is a new day to begin again and acquire the grace to do God's will.  Thank you, Lord!